So several months ago, while we were just starting out in this crazy journey of adopting our son, I wrote this blog post about what NOT to Say to People who are Adopting. I realize that adoption has been around for a long time, but unless that you are IN the process, someone in your family is adopting, or a good friend is, it is hard to know what to ask or in this case, what NOT to ask! I know that every question that we get, truly comes from the heart of our family and friends. That is why we want to try to educate our circle while we are ALSO learning about how to be adoptive parents. Also, we don’t want asking about our adoption to be this forbidden topic. We are proud of our adoption story, and want to share it. However, there is a time, a place, and a way to ask, learn, and gain knowledge about our process.
So here is PART 2:
1. Why was he given up for adoption?
This is just intensely personal, and unfortunately, we were not and are not able to talk to Davis’ birth mom so we don’t know all her reasons. Adoption is a messy and private process that we just don’t need to talk about outside our family. What we do know is for Davis’ ears first, and then it becomes his story. His story to know, his story to share. And this might just be me, but I hate that phrase “given up.” I don’t believe for one second that she just gave him up. She made a decision. She made a heart wrenching decision for her son to be adopted. And that is beautiful. I will be forever heartbroken for her and forever grateful that she chose this path for her son. This path that will lead us to him.
2. How much did it cost to adopt him?
This one doesn’t bother me quite as much. But what does bother me about this question is it sounds like my child was just some purchase I made. Like we went to the store and got to pick out our child, and just pay for him. Babies are expensive. We all know that. In adoption, there are costs involved, like fees to the adoption agencies and attorneys to cover legal fees and social work services in completing adoption. The cost is not payment for a child. If you are interested in learning more about the process, a perfect question would be this “I’d love to adopt, but worried I can’t afford it.” Or “We’d love to get more information about the process and costs, how did you get your information?”
3. Where are his real parents?
And the simple answer to that is, WE are his real parents. When I’ve gotten asked this, I think what most people are wanting to know is where are his birthparents. And a lot of this goes back to question one. What we know and what we are telling is his birthparents are in South Korea. He is currently in a foster home getting loved on and cared for by an amazing foster mama. We are waiting for the day that WE get to be the ones loving on and care for him. Oh and I cannot wait for that day!
4. Why are you adopting from Korea (insert any international country) when we have so many babies/kids that need families here?
From the beginning we said we don’t care what our family looks like, we are just ready to start our family. We prayed long and hard about domestic adoption vs international. We researched both, talked to adoptive parents, spoke with our social worker, and decided that we would do to do a duel path. We prayed that God would show us where our baby was. We were seeking to bring home the very child God created for us and our home. And we are trusting God to fully equip us to be parents that He created us to be. God led us to South Korea because that is where our baby is. Period.
5. When did you start your adoption process? (December) Wow, you haven’t had to wait long!
This one has been getting me lately. For two reasons, one, we don’t have him yet. Everyday that passes seem like a week with no news. And everyday that passes is another day without him. We have no idea when we will get to travel. Let me say that again. We have no idea when we will get to travel. We have our son, but no idea as to when we will get to be together as a family. The second reason is that we have been wait for our family to start for 4 years now. It has been a long 4 years. And we are as ready as any new parents truly can be. So while compared to some families in the adoption journey it might not seem like a long time, but to us, it feels like an eternity.
Again, we are learning right along with everyone else about adoption, but while we are here, and while we are being so open about this process, we might as well take the opportunity to share what we have learned this far! It has been a crazy, long, emotional ride so far. We expect to get more questions, and please, we want to share our journey. Truly we do, because if we can help one person on their journey to start a family, then that is wonderful! I am here to talk. I am here to help. I might get a bit emotional, but if you are okay with that, ask away! If you aren’t ready for me to have an emotional break down in publix or the gym, just ask to see his latest picture, and ohhh and ahhh over how incredibly precious he is
Thanks for listening folks to the latest Texture Tuesday!